Just Nope

Just Nope

I got invited to pitch a horror movie once. Which was cool, but a little outside of my wheelhouse. First, I didn't know how to pitch, so learning how to do it was a big deal, but more frighteningly, I had to watch a bunch of horror movies to prepare for my pitch. I had to find movies that were similar to the one I was pitching, so for a few weeks, after work, I would watch these movies which would scare me, and then I would go to bed, all this horrible stuff floating around in my brain, and slowly, ever so slowly, time moved forward.

In addition to preparing to pitch a horror film, I was getting ready to move. We had bought a century old farm house, and I was going to pitch the film the within the first few days of moving into the farm house.

But before we moved, every night after watching a horror movie, I would go to bed, and my husband would fall asleep, and then I would whisper to him,

"Do you think we're moving into a haunted house?"

And he would either pretend not to hear me, or tell me to stop watching horror movies, and then he'd roll away from me.

So we move into this farm house, and it is most certainly haunted. Mostly by the previous owners inability to do home improvement projects. We counted seventeen types of flooring in the three bedroom house. Some rooms had multiple types of flooring in the same room. And not in a good way. Like, he'd just run out of barf colored stick on linoleum, so he added some left over carpet. It was the stuff of nightmares.

But we didn't really know if there were any actual ghosts involved.

Then I heard a story about how families back in the day in San Francisco would just bury their dead under their floors because there wasn't enough real estate in the city or whatever, and then one-hundred years later, someone would be re-modeling their million dollar apartment in the Bay and pull up a floor and find six child sized coffins.

And I thought, well at least we know that's not happening in my house.

So, it's the day of my pitch. It's my first day at my new job and I leave early to come home to do my pitch, and the crawl space guy is at our house, as recommended by our inspector. He's there, and I'm about to go into a room to log into zoom, and I hear the guy tell my husband,

"You know there is a fifteen by fourteen foot room below your kitchen? It's totally sealed. I don't know what's in there."

And then it was time to pitch my horror movie.

And for a first pitch, I did pretty good. I was certainly living a horrified existence.