Melon Festival
Recently, I went to a melon festival. It was in a little town with a population of just over 800 people. I showed up at the start of the parade. The parade contained a variety of emergency vehicles, a high school dance team, and several mayoral candidates driving Polarises decorated like watermelons. Everyone in the parade chucked candy at the spectators. A woman with a dog in a melon T-shirt pressed a bottle of water in my hand, and I was grateful. Later, it would get quite hot.
Once the parade was done (and I realized it was possible that most of the town was in the parade), I made my way to the park where I met up with some friends. There was a bouncy castle village, which, for the low, low price of $30 per child, your child too could have endless access to the bounce houses of their dreams.
The bounce castles were staffed with low-key carnies in tie-dye T-shirts. I watched a kid deliver a tray of cut watermelon to the bounce village workers, and one guy, his tie-dye shirt sun faded and thin, who was manning the giant blow up tiger slide, took two pieces watermelon. He whipped out a bottle of Tajin from his pocket and properly seasoned his melon. He managed to eat both slices of spicy watermelon like they were a giant sandwich while manning the tiger slide, and it was clear, it wasn't his first rodeo.
The festival was a mass of humanity. You had to dodge kids and dogs and strollers with every step you took. And the humanity in this little festival had a lot to say. At one point I walked by a set of cars. One had a bumper sticker on it that said MILF: Man I Love Frogs. It was parked next to a truck with a sticker that depicted a bare butt. Next to the butt it said, I EAT ASS.
At one point, man in a floppy bucket hat walked by in a T-shirt that said: WHITE, STRAIGHT, CONSERVATIVE, MALE, REPUBLICAN: How else can I offend you today? It was pretty easy to guess how he voted.
But then, a guy walked past him in a T-shirt that said, DEAD PEDOPHILES CAN'T RE-OFFEND. And, I had to admit, I wasn't sure what way that guy voted.
I saw a Latino guy wearing a Three Percenter shirt with the words When tyranny becomes law, rebellion becomes our duty encircling a big III%. He held the hand of a woman wearing a dress patterned like a watermelon. Then I realized, a lot of people were dressed like watermelons. I even saw a guy with a giant paper mache watermelon attached to his ball cap. He looked like a bike messenger from a city, his pants just tight enough to be metropolitan stylish, but the the two foot long homemade watermelon on his head disrupted the hip city vibe.
I saw a kid, probably twelve or thirteen, wearing a shirt that said, I ❤️ HOT MOMS. He was in line to get a snow cone, standing with a man who was obviously his dad.
There were the couple who had their own booth. They had a shotgun and a rifle hung so they dangled from the cross bar of the pop up tent. A newish looking dirt bike was parked next to the man, who was young, corpulent, clad in suspenders and had one of those beards that was so out of control it was hard to tell what was going on. They had a big sign in front of them that said, Help Us Pay for IVF. Win a dirt bike! My friends, better people than I, entered to win the raffle.
The other booths at the festival sold various versions of Live, Laugh, Love signs and T-shirts with American flags and bald eagles that said things like, You can't take my guns, but I will share my bullets. I found nothing I could live without.
And, finally, we came across man sitting in a little pet fence. Inside the fence were several Shih Tzu and Maltese puppies. The puppies, small enough you could hold them in a single hand, were exhausted. A hand written sign said adults could pick them up without asking, but kids had to sit down to hold them. Then another sign said you could have one for the low, low price of $950.00.
The highlight of the festival was probably the free triangles of watermelon they gave out. At a long table, a group of men (and boys) cut up watermelons with machetes. It was hard to imagine no one cut themselves, but the watermelon... It was some of the best watermelon I'd ever had.
After the watermelon, my little group decided they wanted ice cream and snow cones. We went to the appropriate food truck, but when I saw the flavors, to include Dr. Peep: A combination of Dr. Pepper and Peeps, I decided my time at the festival was probably done.
I walked back to my car. It was parked on the main road of town in front of a burned up motel. I wasn't upset with the few hours I'd spent at the melon festival, but I realized, if I were to come back next year, I had two options. Get a T-shirt emblazoned with a shocking statement or get a dress that looked like a watermelon.
Life is all about choices.