They Lie To Your Face

I have two cats. One is grey and one is a calico. The grey one is sweet and not super smart. The calico can be sweet, but she is too smart to be sweet when it's not to her advantage.

The grey one got pancreatitis. The vet said he needed special food. Special cat food is apparently expensive. The vet warned me that the calico cat would probably like the expensive food, but it probably wasn't economical to let her eat it.

Well, the calico cat did like the expensive food, and finances be damned, she chowed down on it.  We ultimately had to switch foods to a middle grade food because there was no way to prevent her from hoovering up all the real pricy food. While we figured out what food her brother could eat and wouldn't cause us to need a second job, she became a calico chonk. Which is kind of cute, but unhealthy, so she was put on reduced rations.

Around this time I figured I should maybe reduce my rations too, so in a show of solidarity, the calico chonk and I were both cleaning up our act.

Then my back got tweaky. Which happens occasionally, but what was significant about this time was that suddenly both cats showed a strange interest in the corner top corner of the pantry shelf. There were mostly cans and bags of dehydrated food up there, so I had no idea what was holding their interest.

And since my back was all jacked up, I couldn't get up there to figure out what they were doing, so it became a future husband issue, but he wasn't home at the time. Once, the grey one caught a mouse in a cabinet, and I hoped, if the mice were sieging the top shelf of the pantry, the cats were giving them what for.

I went to bed and at exactly 3:45 am, I heard what I later learned were several cans of coconut milk and beans impacting a bag of crackers. I pulled myself out of bed and went into the pantry. I found the cats standing around looking completely guilty in that, we were just standing here kind of way. Since it was 3:45 am, I informed them they were being rude housemates and went back to bed.

The next day, I heard them again in the top shelf of the pantry. I went in there and saw the calico eating something. Upon closer inspection, I saw she had chewed through my husband's expensive freeze dried camping foods. She was, right before my eyes, mowing down on dehydrated scrambled eggs.

The cheat! She wasn't cleaning up her act. In fact, by price per pound she'd actually found more expensive food to eat than the original expensive food.

I wrestled her out of the pantry, back be damned, and discovered several more chewed through bags of freeze dried meals.

Solidarity my ass. That night I ate pizza, and she went back on her diet.